Style Invitational contest Week 1510: Poems with just one vowel
JANKY: Shoddy, defective (plus SUS)
Although offers abound at Greenback Plus,
Sure merch ought to nonetheless appear sus,
For in case you’re planning hanky-panky,
Your condoms merely cannot be janky.
(Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)
LEWK: Private trend fashion (as in “look”)
When you frequent the luxurious ski resorts
And you see a younger fellow who sports activities
Light-weight shorts along with his parka and hat
You would possibly ask your self, “What’s up with that?”
“Was his baggage misplaced? Is he a kook?”
Meet the snowboarder-wannabe lewk.
(Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)
GREENWASH: To publicize an organization’s environmental efforts to attenuate the injury it’s truly inflicting
Firms trying to greenwash
Their air pollution can’t get a clear wash
Of their foul fame,
Which smells to the nation
Like a personal who’s accomplished a latrine wash.
(David Mayerovitch, Ottawa, a First Offender)
BIRRIA: A Mexican meat stew
A Bostonian’s Critique of a Mexican Restaurant
(Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)
DAWN CHORUS: The chattering of birds as day breaks
Monday there’s mowing at quarter to eight.
Tuesday the practice passes carrying freight.
Wednesday we hear from the rooster subsequent door;
Thursday the road cleansing occurs at 4.
Friday the rubbish cans bang on the road,
Weekends, the paper goes thwump! at my toes.
All whereas I’m nonetheless in my slippers and flannel;
If that is my daybreak refrain, please change the channel!
(Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)
KRATOM, a standard psychoactive drug, pronounced both krayt’em or kratt’em
My boss gave a harsh ultimatum:
“Promote these meds, regardless that folks hate ’em.”
So I hawked yucky drops;
Although they’re usually flops,
All of them offered, ’trigger I spiked them with kratom!
(Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Kratom is a stimulant in small doses however a sedative at excessive doses.
I took somewhat kratom, and felt a surge of pleasure,
After which I took somewhat extra — O boy! O boy! O boy!
One other batch went down the hatch, a fairly humongous dose,
And that’s the reason you discovered me right here, fully comatose.
I’ve discovered the reality right this moment, forsooth, and child, that is it:
It’s essential to break up the kratom—and take just a bit bit.
(Stephen Gold, London)
LARP: Reside-action position enjoying
My spouse loves Harry Potter LARPing;
May this interest value me extra?
She says that I ought to stop my carping…
However her “home”? It’s Gryffin-Dior.
Mentioned a shivering man in a tarp,
“Dude, you understand me, I don’t wish to carp,
However this role-playing sport
Is disagreeable and lame.
Why’d you make a Fyre Competition LARP?”
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
HAIRY EYEBALL, a disapproving glare
As soon as upon a morning early, whereas I slumbered, drained and surly,
Having stayed up a lot too late out partying the evening earlier than—
After snoozing for an hour, abruptly I noticed a glower,
Disapproving, slightly bitter, obvious from my bed room door.
’Twas my mom’s furry eyeball, and I knew what was in retailer …
Didn’t sleep a minute extra.
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
“The furry eyeball” means a unclean look,
The sort you’d give a pervert or a criminal.
However in case you’re studying English, this expression
Would possibly result in a lamentable transgression,
Like asking (if the which means’s misconstrued):
“Do furry eyeballs need to be shampooed?”
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
LEVEL UP: Advance to the following stage
To stage up our lives, what if we tried
To not make another dang factor gamified?
(Coleman Glenn, Huntingdon Valley, Pa.)
MacGYVER: To trend an answer to an issue utilizing no matter odd supplies can be found
Paper clip, gum wrapper, security pin, dime,
Damaged-down watch that not tells time,
Eraserless pencil honed right down to a nub,
Many years-old membership card for the membership,
Spare covid checks (’trigger there’s nonetheless a pandemic),
Rocks which have undergone modifications alchemic.
You gonna MacGyver a snare for a criminal?
Nope, that’s simply from cleansing out Mother’s pocketbook.
SUS: Suspect or suspicious; of doubtful high quality
The lyrics Ira Gershwin wrote
I discover banal and gauche.
With all these twee truncated phrases
Like ’magine and emosh.’
Now “’swonderful” and “’smarvelous”
Might go well with you to a T.
However “fash” and “pash” and all the remaining –
They simply appear sus to me.
(Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)
“Need to journey?” They discovered us and mentioned,
“You may have a brand new house and clear mattress!”
“That flier seems sus…”
“Oh, don’t be a wuss!”
Martha’s Winery – we had been misled.
(Matthew Zimmer, New York)
TATER TOTS, STROMBOLI
What phrases are thrilling, unique and new
At Merriam-Webster in 9/22?
There’s one thing known as “Tater Tots,” additionally “stromboli.”
They need to not get out a lot, or else they work slowly.
SIDE HUSTLE, a supplementary job
As a aspect hustle, Uber’s a curse,
For the earnings may hardly be worse!
I’ll concede, although, I do know
That I would make extra dough
If my automobile weren’t a hearse.
And Final:A aspect hustle could possibly be a superb factor to do
When you’re wanting somewhat more money to accrue.
However these poems I’ve written simply aren’t the best way—
In The Model Invitational, rhyme doesn’t pay.